


As the Dust Settles

by TongueTiedRaven



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: First Kiss, Friendship, Getting Together, Konekomaru POV, Konekomaru is soft, Koneokomaru looking out for Renzou, M/M, Puns & Word Play, Tea, Tough Talks, after battle talks, checking in on each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TongueTiedRaven/pseuds/TongueTiedRaven
Summary: Konekomaru wanted some company and there was really only one person he could think of. He had a feeling he knew where the other teen would be, and he could just bet they weren’t taking care of their health like they should.In which tea is had, conversations are difficult, and puns are made.Takes place sometime after chapter 125 in the manga.
Relationships: Miwa Konekomaru/Shima Renzou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	As the Dust Settles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlextheAlright](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlextheAlright/gifts).



> This takes place some time after the current Illuminati drama when everyone is back at Kyoto recovering

Konekomaru had no idea how any of them were still alive. He was exhausted and sore and he was fairly certain his hearing would never be as good as it had once been. He was grateful he shaved his head because his hair would have been partially burnt off in the firestorm that had been Rin and Yukio’s sibling dispute.

He’d known Rin was powerful-you couldn’t fight a demon king head on and  _ not _ be powerful- but having a front row seat to the halfling’s full flames was not an experience he cared to repeat. It was extraordinary. It was awe inspiring and it was terrifying.

He could still see the blue flames when he closed his eyes. 

He wanted some company and there was really only one person he could think of. He had a feeling he knew where the other teen would be, and he could just bet they weren’t taking care of their health like they should.

He went to the kitchen first and made a pot of tea. He snooped around in the pantry and decided on chips and candy. Not particularly healthy but he was certain they’d be appreciated.

He got a tray and took the entire thing outside to the engawa. He found Renzou right where he expected to see him. The knight was curled up against a pole with a blank draped over his shoulders. He had his broken leg stretched out in front of him while the other was curled up against his chest. His arm was wrapped around it and he’d dropped his crutches haphazardly at his side. His hair was a mess and he looked tired. He looked defeated.

That made Konekomaru quite certain his presence hadn’t been noticed yet. 

He padded quietly across the chilled floor and knelt next to Renzou. He set the tray between them and poured a cup. He passed it to Renzou who took it without saying anything. Konekomaru noticed he’d straightened and his shoulders weren’t hunched. The knight was trying to look peppy again.

“Sup?” Renzou asked like he was cheerful and just enjoying the view. It was dark and only a few feet of the garden could be seen. There wasn’t a view to really enjoy.

Konekomaru poured his own cup. “I couldn’t sleep.” He confessed quietly. “It’s too quiet.”

Everything was too quiet. He was genuinely worried the explosions might have harmed his hearing. At least his eyesight didn’t seem any worse. That was a benefit of having terrible eyesight. It took a lot to make it worse.

Renzou didn’t respond. He curled around his cup and played with the rim. 

Konekomaru settled beside his friend and turned his eyes onto the garden. There was a certain serenity to be found sitting in the quiet. He enjoyed silence but he knew Renzou didn’t. 

“You know,” He murmured into the cool darkness, “you should probably have a thicker blanket if you want to stay out here. Cold can slow healing.”

Renzou blew at the tea.”I’m fine. ‘S not that cold.”

Konekomaru raised an eyebrow and blew out a breath that turned into mist. “Of course. It’s not cold at all.”

Renzou stuck his tongue out. Konekomaru couldn’t help but notice his lips quirked up a little. He sipped his own tea and savored the warmth it spread through his body. 

Renzou wasn’t drinking his own tea.

He sipped at his tea and watched his friend. He felt like he should say something but he could not figure out the words. He always felt like he spent too much time trying to think of what to say with Renzou. He used to know just what to say to relax those shoulders.

He finished his tea and reached for the pot. Renzou hadn’t taken a single sip of his. 

“Do you no longer take it with sugar?”

Renzou jolted and blinked like a startled animal. “Hmm?”

Konekomaru motioned towards his tea. “You always took it with two sugars. Do you not like it that way any more?”

Renzou smiled. “Just not thirsty.”

A gut instinct told Konekomaru that his friend was lying. He wasn’t even trying that hard to hide it. The question was did he not think he had to hide it because Konekomaru wouldn’t notice or if he didn’t want to hide whatever it was.

He wasn’t certain it really mattered. Something was wrong even if he wasn’t sure what. He hadn’t actually come out here for tea though. He’d come out here to have a specific talk. He had a feeling no one had really had spoken to Renzou about any of it.

He took another sip for courage. “I wanted to thank you.” He murmured softly after another moment of silence. He curled closer to his cup and inhaled the chamomile. It was one of Renzou’s favorite teas. Or it had been.

“Thank me?” Renzou asked around his drink. “For what?”

“For staying with me on the ship.” He glanced at the knight through his peripherals. Renzou had gone stiff and his eyes were slightly wider. “I know it put you at a disadvantage to do that. It would have been easy, and advantageous, to abandon me.”

Renzou shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “It just kinda happened.”

Konekomaru turned his head to stare right at his friend. “Liar.”

Renzou drew back a little. He pulled his cup closer and diverted his eyes. Konekomaru didn’t look away. 

“I… It’s not like I was gonna let you die.”

Konekomaru nodded. “Exactly. That’s why I thanked you.” He brushed his thumb along the edge of his cup, the porcelain cool under his fingers despite the hot liquid. “You didn’t have to stay. I know Homare threatened you through me.”

He couldn’t help the squirmy feeling in his stomach. He’d caused a lot of trouble just by following Mephisto’s directions.

He’d lost  _ days _ because of that. Literal days that he’d just skipped over. Bon and Izumo had fought a hoard of zombies and chimeras, Renzou had been trapped on an enemy ship, and he’d just skipped that time.

He didn’t want to feel guilty but he did. 

“Nah,” Renzou leaned back on his hands, careful not to put pressure on his injuries, “I wouldn’ta got in trouble.”

Konekomaru watched him for a beat longer than necessary. They both knew he was lying. He’d missed Renzou’s lies before but he could catch them now. He could spot the tells. There was a slight tightness in Renzou’s jaw and his shoulders were tense. It wasn’t obvious, but it was there.

Trouble might have been underselling it. 

“Would they have killed you?”

Renzou shook his head and flashed a smile. “Nah. Can’t kill the spy.”

Konekomaru’s heart skipped a beat because that was another  _ lie  _ “They would have!” He growled, and he never used that sort of tone. “How can you pretend it would have been alright? They would have  _ killed _ you!”

The smile faded. He replaced it with a dopey look that Konekomaru knew was fake. Renzou was trying to avoid the topic. 

“You do get it, don’t you? They would have killed you if they knew you were loyal to us. To Bon and myself.” He shook his head in frustration. “You can’t pretend they would have done anything else.”

Renzou’s hands tightened around his cup. He still hadn’t taken a sip. “I would have figured something out.” He tried the fake smile again and did a terrible job with it. 

Konekomaru leaned in closer and let the fierce feelings of anger and hurt that were churning in his chest show on his face. “No, you wouldn’t have. Everyone has told you this, Shima. I know they have. I’ve heard them over and over again. You could have died a million different ways. They owed you no loyalty and they were just waiting for the best moment to kill you. They never had any intentions of letting you live longer than necessary.” He shook his head in mounting frustration. “You wouldn’t have thought of something because they wouldn’t have given you time.” He never used curse words; language was a complex and beautiful thing with millions of ways to express what he was feeling and he rarely-if ever-saw the need for vulgarity but Renzou… Well, strong language for strong emotion. “They would have  _ fucking  _ murdered you, Renzou.”

He inhaled sharply, the terror becoming a huge thing in his stomach that was pushing all the other emotions away. Renzou had always been around. He’d been there, goofy and pervy. Quick to offer a joke, slow to help, but always there. His true colors never failed to shine in the direst of circumstances. Whether it was when Konekomaru was seconds away from being swallowed by a miasma mountain or when he was being cornered by some horrible chimera zombie that shouldn’t exist, Renzou showed up and helped. He risked himself and his own comfort to do so.

And now he was blatantly ignoring that he could have died.

“And what about us?” He demanded. He had started the rant and now he might as well get it all out while they were out here in the dead of night. No one would hear them or bug them. “What do you think would have happened to Bon or me if you were just suddenly dead?”

Bon would never have gotten over the guilt. He’d practically gone catatonic when they’d found out Renzou worked for the Illuminati. If he had died while being a double agent Bon would blame himself. He considered himself their protector and he would take the entirety of the blame for Renzou’s actions.

As for himself… It would have been  _ his _ fault. He’d seen those people side-eyeing him on the ship. He was being used to corral Renzou. He was being used to make his friend behave in a certain way.

He had been used against Renzou. Against his friend. It wasn’t even Renzou’s fault. He wasn’t supposed to be on the stupid shit but he’d arrived and latched onto Renzou because he at least knew the ship’s layout. 

He could have been the reason Renzou  _ died. _

He didn’t notice the tears until they were dripping down his cheeks. They weren’t overwhelming or even that noticeable. They were just there and making him feel weak.

Renzou wasn’t looking at him and didn’t notice the tears. He didn’t want to wipe them away because it would make it more obvious that he was crying. 

Renzou huffed and shrugged with mild irritation. “What do you want from me, man? Yeah, I expected to die.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a huge, terrible, thing to expect to be dead at sixteen. “It’s not that big a deal.” 

Konekomaru wanted to shove him off the engawa. This ridiculous, complicated person who had the family Konekomaru had always wanted and had lived his entire life resentful of it. He wanted to hug him close and sob because no one should feel like thinking they were going to die wasn’t a big deal.

“Do you hear yourself, Renzou?” He asked softly. His eyes dropped to his empty tea cup. “Do you hear how stupid that is? You dying is a very big deal.”

Renzou curled in on himself a little. “What? Did you want me to leave you for dead? What about all that Myōō Dharani and honor nonsense you’re always spewing?”

“How does wanting to restore the temple have anything to do with you dying? This isn’t even about me.” He shoved Renzou a little, not enough to jostle his wounds but enough to get his attention. “This is about the fact that you dying would have been a big deal. And me thanking you for sticking your neck out for me when you didn’t have to.” He set his cup aside and wrapped his arms around himself.

Renzou was watching him now. He didn’t return the gaze. He didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want to keep calling Renzou stupid becaue that wouldn’t get them anywhere.

He heard an exaggerated slurp from Renzou and glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. The knight was still watching him with an amused stare that wasn’t quite sincere. 

Konekomaru blew out a breath and looked out at what he could see of the garden. 

“I meant it, you know.” He murmured. “Your special, Renzou.” He fiddled with the edge of the blanket. “You’re my friend and-”

“That’s the third time you’ve done it.”

He glanced over in confusion. Renzou had set the cup aside when his distraction didn’t work. “Done what?”

“Called me Renzou.”

For some reason, he felt his cheeks heat up. He hadn’t even realized it. Calling him Shima while he berated him for thinking he was going to die and being okay with it had felt too shallow. 

Renzou’s smile was large and  _ almost _ easy. It just didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You getting soft on me, Neko?”

Despite his warm cheeks and Renzou’s mischievous smile, he felt a sad sort of irritation churn in his stomach. “Be serious, Renzou. None of this is a joke.”

“Pfft,” Renzou blew out a noisy and dismissive breath, “Why bother,” he bumped Konekomaru’s shoulder companionably, “when you’re serious enough for both of us?”

“You’re not going to distract me, Renzou. This is  _ serious. _ ”

Renzou’s smile slipped for all of a second before it was right back in place. Konekomaru was fairly certain it was even larger than it had been. 

“Come on, Neko, lighten up. The fight is over, the world didn’t end, and,” he raised his cup in the air with a stupid grin, “it’s time to  _ part-tea!” _

Konekomaru couldn’t stop his scowl if he wanted to. “Renzou, you could have died. Please be serious.”

Renzou’s smile was starting to look a little strained. “What? Was it too naugh- _ tea _ a pun?”

“Renzou.”

The knight huffed. “Well, we all die someday. At least I would have died surrounded by hot people.”

Why was this always such a fight?  _ “Renzou. _ ”

“What do you want me to say? That I was scared? Duh!” Renzou twisted around so they were facing away from each other. “Guess what, everyone told me I was going to die and they kept waiting for me to mess up.”

“I would have been very worried if you weren’t. You can be a moron but you’re not stupid.” 

Renzou rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“I meant you have good instincts.” He dug his fingers under his thighs in hope of warming them up. 

“Good instincts? Yeah, because my instincts were so helpful when Homare was threatening me with her gun or when the guards were trying to literally stab me in the back? And what about here? I couldn’t go five minutes without someone mentioning that I was going to fucking die. Even you, Neko! At least you offered to bury me. Fuck, why does everyone think I didn’t realize that my chances of dying were pretty damn high? I’m not an idiot. Spies aren’t exactly known for living long, healthy lives!” He dropped his fists against his leg in frustration. “I didn’t make any plans past that fight and now I don’t know what to do.” Everyone keeps looking at me like they expect stuff from me again and it’s all so  _ suffocating. _ ”

“Is that why you joined? To get away?”

Renzou’s head snapped towards him, brow furrowed in an annoyed scowl. “Of course! I’m so tired of all the Myōō Dharani nonsense and the endless ‘Takezo died for you so make him proud with your life’ shit that everyone keeps feeding me.”

Konekomaru’s hands unconsciously clenched around his pajama bottoms. He had spent his entire life in the shadow of his parents' deaths. Even his name was a reminder of them and what he’d lost. He’d always seen it as a legacy to strive for more than a burden… But Renzou had endless reminders that he wasn’t Takezo. Had he been one of those reminders? He couldn’t remember if he’d ever said anything about it. God, he hoped he hadn’t. 

“I can’t fucking breathe. I just-” Renzou cut off in a frustrated grunt and fisted the fabric at his knees. The blanket had started to slide off his shoulders and Konekomaru wanted to put it back around him. It couldn’t be good for his healing to be out in this cold. He should tell them to go inside but… he didn’t want to stop the conversation. Renzou was finally opening up.

“And it’s all starting again.” Renzou’s shoulders slumped and he seemed to lose his fight. “It hasn’t even been a week.” 

Konekomaru watched him for a moment, trying to decide what to do. There were too many options and most of them felt so shallow. He didn’t want to joke or lighten the mood. He wanted to make it better.

He reached forward, hand hovering uncertainly, and decided. He grasped Renzou’s shoulder, lamented his short status, and pulled him down and close. He hauled him into the hug, Renzou stiff and confused, and wrapped him up sturdily. He tried to be careful of his injuries but this wasn’t about careful. This was about showing Renzou that it was okay and that he was here to support him. He’d stick by him just like Renzou had stuck by him. 

He’d never been hugged by a parent but he had always imagined it would feel warm and safe. He tried to relay that feeling through his arms. He held him securely, tucking his face against Renzou’s shoulder, and closing his eyes as he lifted to his knees a little. He had to make up for the height difference somehow. 

Renzou was slow to respond. He was cold from the night air and so stiff and Konekomaru was starting to worry it had been a bad choice. He was contemplating how to let go and move away with some dignity intact when Renzou  _ finally _ moved.

It was hardly noticeable, but Konekomaru was skilled at seeing and noticing what others didn’t. Renzou relaxed against him, his hands loosening their fists. He sucked in a nearly silent breath, Konekomaru could feel his chest expanding, and Renzou pressed the slightest bit closer.

Konekomaru held him tight. He sat for endless seconds, words swirling in his head until he finally felt like he knew what needed to be said.

“ _ You’re _ special, Renzou. Not because he died. You’re special just because it’s who you are. Myōō Dharani and legacies aside, you matter.” He swallowed and slid his hand up so it was curled around the back of Renzou’s head and encouraged him to draw nearer. “I’m grateful you’re not dead or gone. I’m grateful you stuck by me because you’re Renzou. Ridiculous, complicated, and someone I care about.” He shivered and decided to confess. “Someone I know I can trust.”

It was dumb but he did trust Renzou. Ridiculous Renzou who was always there when he needed him most, even if it wasn’t how he expected. The knight would complain and drag his feet but he always showed up. 

Renzou was stiff for another second, maybe two, and then he was returning the hug. It hurt Konekomaru’s heart a little to notice just how cold Renzou was. He needed to get him back in that blank-

Renzou pulled back and stared at him with wide, slightly damp eyes. Konekomaru had seen those eyes on a thousand different days in a thousand different ways but he had never noticed quite how many shades of brown were swirled in their depths.

He felt as if he needed to say something. The silence felt extremely heavy and… it felt like something was coming. Something that was about to change everything and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to run towards it or far, far away. His body tensed up without quite meaning to and he felt his chest tighten with nerves for that approaching something. 

Renzou’s hands were on his arms, he hadn’t noticed them earlier, and they slid up so they were on his shoulders. Still Renzou stared, eyes reflecting the stars above, thoughtful and intense in their gaze. 

He would never know who moved first, and he would never understand what, in that moment, changed. It was like adjusting his prescription. What had been blurry was suddenly clear. He had been looking at the world with a vision that was slightly off and it suddenly wasn’t. He was finally seeing Renzou clearly, and he was fairly certain Renzou was seeing him.

Renzou’s lips were warm, despite how chilly the air was, and soft. He’d have expected them to be chapped or thin but they weren’t. They fit against his comfortably, not world changing or heart stopping, but… like the tea. It warmed him and settled his heart. It relaxed the frazzled nerves that had been building in his chest through the entire night until he didn’t notice them.

He expected Renzou to be a messy, pushy kisser, but he wasn’t. He wouldn’t use the term gentle-Renzou wasn’t particularly gentle in anything-but it was affectionate. He could feel the other boy’s hand’s tightening on his shoulders as he pressed closer and he slid his own hand a little higher so it could weave into Renzou’s ridiculous pink locks.

He broke it off after a little longer and pulled back enough so he could see his friend properly once more.

“You know, you’re pret- _ tea _ neat.” Renzou mumbled with the biggest, and sincerest, of smiles.

Konekomaru kept his face blank and unimpressed. “I can’t believe I kissed someone with such a terrible sense of humor.”

Renzou snorted and his lips spread even wider. Konekomaru hadn’t seen him look so happy in a long time. He recovered the blanket and wrapped it around their shoulders. Konekomaru poured them both another cup of tea.

They sat, shoulder to shoulder, hands wrapped around their cups and soft smiles on their faces. Konekomaru almost felt shy but that wasn’t quite the right word. It was a strange, fluttery, nervous feeling. He was not quite certain about where they went from here but… he could trust Renzou. It might not go how he expected, but Renzou would be there and it would turn out alright.

He finished his tea and glanced at Renzou to find the knight was already studying him with a small smile. 

“Um,” he mumbled, nervous and uncertain. “We should go back inside, it’s getting cold.”

Renzou leaned forward, his smile broadening immediately. “You’re a hot _ -tea _ so I’m fine out here.”

He managed to hide a smile and shook his head. “Renzou.” 

Renzou laughed brightly. “I got a million more, Neko.”

“I’m rethinking my life choices.” 

“Aww, don’t be nas- _ tea. _ ”

He shuffled his way out from under the blanket and Renzou latched onto him like a limpet.

“No, don’t go!” 

“What? You don’t have a pun for that?” Renzou’s mouth popped open and Konekomaru immediately put his hand over the other boy’s lips. “If you say something about leaves I will hit you.”

Renzou’s smile got bigger under his hand. He couldn’t quite stop his own smile this time. “We really do need to get some sleep.” He stood up and offered Renzou a hand.

The knight beamed up at him. “Don’t you mean  _ steep _ .”

“Renzou…”

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this for entirely too long but I did it! Given to Alex with a lot of love <3


End file.
